"What? No, not me. I thought maybe you could-- Irvin." All the wriggling in the world doesn't help. Irvin's heavy and whines like a hurt, abandoned puppy whenever he tries to get him off. The fur is both scratchy and tickles ... and not in areas where it's cute.

"Your master really needs to train you better, you know that, Irvin?" Groaning in exasperation, cheeks burning, he tries to take being used as a cushion with at least a bit of dignity. Maybe ignoring Irvin will be a better strategy.