He tries to convey don't make me say that with his eyes alone, pressing his lips together. Jade is kind to him, except for asking this question, though. Opening his hand, he interlaces his fingers with Jade's. He needs to hold on to something. Steady his body and mind before he exposes a part of himself he's not sure how to deal with yet.

"I wasn't important, I didn't have to think about anything. You didn't care, both of you didn't, you didn't treat me like a lover or a one-night stand, I could -- just relax and listen and follow your orders." His throat feels tight and he doesn't speak for a moment, lowering his eyes and breathing too harshly. "And it fucking hurt, but that was good too. I need to be told and I need to be hurt."

He knows all that. Maybe he's known it for a long time even. Stating it plainly, it's not just a vague idea anymore. That's what he is. "Fuck." He exhales slowly, voice shaking. "Fuck."