roneal | (no subject)

He tries to convey don't make me say that with his eyes alone, pressing his lips together. Jade is kind to him, except for asking this question, though. Opening his hand, he interlaces his fingers with Jade's. He needs to hold on to something. Steady his body and mind before he exposes a part of himself he's not sure how to deal with yet.

"I wasn't important, I didn't have to think about anything. You didn't care, both of you didn't, you didn't treat me like a lover or a one-night stand, I could -- just relax and listen and follow your orders." His throat feels tight and he doesn't speak for a moment, lowering his eyes and breathing too harshly. "And it fucking hurt, but that was good too. I need to be told and I need to be hurt."

He knows all that. Maybe he's known it for a long time even. Stating it plainly, it's not just a vague idea anymore. That's what he is. "Fuck." He exhales slowly, voice shaking. "Fuck."

Jade may not understand why people derive comfort from physical reassurance, but he knows that they do, and that's enough. He curls his fingers more tightly around Shinjirou's in a wordless show of support, giving him another light squeeze.

Not that he sees why Shinjirou needs the support. He's not saying anything that deserves condemnation.

"You seem to exhibit some characteristics of a submissive," he observes. He's not involved with the community, and it's not the sort of lifestyle he has an interest in (although he supposes he's practicing it now, in a twisted sort of way), but he's heard about it from some of his associates. "It's- "

Normal, he almost says, but his goal here isn't to reassure Shinjirou. It's to tie him closer.

Smoothly, Jade continues, almost as if he hadn't interrupted himself. "It's very much a deviant lifestyle, I'm afraid." Which isn't exactly a lie. "But for our purposes, it might be an advantage. Thank you for telling me."

He's doing the logical thing here; why does he feel guilty?

It all sounds very technical, the way Jade puts it. Maybe that should make him feel better about it, but all it does is make him shiver. There's still more hot water running into the tub and he's feeling cold.

"Submissive." The word leaves an odd taste in his mouth. He's contrary, too often. No is a lot easier to say than yes, for him. But ... the thrill, the sick arousal in his gut when he let go and, yeah, submitted to the two men, let Jade's guest decide whether he was tight or loose. He flushes, looking up at Jade, tightening the grip on his hand. "You're going to use that against me, aren't you."

He turns his upper body around to face him properly. "I don't care. Do it. Shit, I'm going to get off on it, probably." Careful here, he thinks, or he'll suffer another fit of laughter. When it still really isn't fucking funny. "Anything else you wanna know about sex and me? Maybe there's more advantages for you."

Oh, he's definitely going to put that information to good use. He's suspected most of it already, just based on his observations, but it's good to have confirmation.

Smiling, he says nothing on that count, leaving it all to Shinjirou's imagination.

"I think I have enough to work with for now." Very deliberately, he allows his gaze to drop as he begins to wash the cuts and scratches again, just as gently as before. "Unless you think there's something I should know? Your worst fantasies, perhaps?"

There's a teasing lilt to his tone, however, one that makes it clear he doesn't expect Shinjirou to give it to him that easily.

He's confused and nervous; it's never a good thing when he's agitated, he knows that. It leads to him behaving like even more of an idiot and of course he fails to hold his tongue and mouthes off at Jade: "Men wearing glasses."

Following Jade's traveling gaze, his face heats up. Blotchy? Yes, sure. Coming from the wrong person? Yes, that too. But it's fascinating. Some of the bruises have already started darkening, others are still bright red. There's some violet and blue and green, all decorated with angry stripes. He finds himself going into an almost trance-like state, watching Jade's hand clean him.

"Did that guy tell you?" Tension draining out of his body, he becomes mellow again, leaning back and licking his lips. "That he wants to see if I can take two cocks at once? Mh."

He lets out a dry little hah at the quip, and is just as dry when he says, "Yes, I seem to recall something like that." Shinjirou and his guest had hardly been quiet, after all, especially considering the fact that Jade had been listening in to see if there was any information he could glean from the encounter.

His hand goes to rest on Shinjirou's belly again, only this time, he strokes it properly. The skin is smooth and warm under his hand, which firmly moves back and forth in little rubbing motions. Sometimes, his hand dips a little lower than usual, but never does it actually reach Shinjirou's groin.

When he speaks, his voice is lower again, a quiet intensity colouring every word. "Tell me, what appeals to you more? The attention, or the sensation of fullness?"

In his mind's eye, he sees Shinjirou writhing on his bed again, rocking back and forth against the fist he had squeezed inside himself under the directions of someone who might as well be a perfect stranger.

While he's literally floating in the water, his mind is doing the same, put on soft cushions as Jade rubs his belly. It's surprising how calming Jade's touches can be, when he isn't tugging or yanking on him. Melting into the embrace, he closes his eyes and stretches his legs out as far as the tub allows.

"Fullness," he breathes. "When you think you'll split into pieces and you feel so heavy and numb, but that cock or toy or ... fist, just keeps stretching you out anyway."

Raising his hand, his fingertips brush Jade's shoulder, then nape. He, too, remembers distinctly, that first time Jade gave him directions. And despite being sober, he'd been excited to oblige. Catching a strand of Jade's hair, he toys with it briefly. "I can still feel him now, I'm still loose. And you, I can feel you in my throat. It burns every time I speak."

His hum is accompanied by his body rolling back against Jade's. "And I haven't found my limits yet."

Being touched in such a familiar manner is odd, especially when the topics they're discussing are far from romantic - not that he knows anything about that - but he's coming to accept that much of this situation is odd.

And I haven't found my limits yet. It's dangerous, Jade knows, but the thought sends a thrill of excitement running through him. He's always found human bodies to be endlessly fascinating - the injuries that can be survived and those that can't, the precise limits that a body can be pushed to, the healing after the injury...

He probably shouldn't be thinking about that sort of thing right now. It's never been a sexual thing for him before; just a subject of scientific curiosity - and discarded ambitions.

"I see," Jade says, telling himself to refrain from making any promises. It's surprisingly difficult; he thinks, if he isn't so tired, his cock would be twitching at the descriptions pouring from Shinjirou's mouth. He's so refreshingly honest like this, his directness appealing. "I'll keep it in mind."

He presses closer against Shinjirou's back, one hand still on his belly. The other reaches out to wash those long legs the best he can. With the way they're stretched out, it's near impossible to clean t he whole length of them properly. Jade stills the movement his hands in an attempt to get Shinjirou's attention. "Do you think you can do this yourself?"

"Yes, of course." The soap slips from Jade's hand into his and he blinks his eyes open again, pulling one leg closer to lather it until bubbles are spread over his skin. Curious, he dips his fingers into one particularly large bruise on the hollow of his knee. Hissing, he tenses for a second. Then he relaxes again and moves over to the other leg.

With Jade's hand on his stomach, he feels safe and placid. Too much. He's nuzzling him, pecking his neck and shoulder, tracing the scar. Jade knows a lot about him -- not everything, thankfully -- but he doesn't know anything about Jade. He knows that there's apparently someone Jade considers a friend, he's gathered as much from the dull business conversation. And that is very vague.

Seeing as he mustn't ask and hearing himself blubber about his desires and fears openly, he fears the gap is going to grow. Jade will learn more about him, without a doubt. Nibbling on his neck, Shinjirou sighs. Maybe it's for the best. "Am I clean enough now?"

The scar is a part of him now, as much as his hands and brain are. He accepts the touches without comment, more interested in examining Shinjirou, making sure that there's no trace of uncleanliness left on his property. Finally, he nods, satisfied.

Though he has to wonder at the reason for that quiet sigh. Did Shinjirou not want to get up yet? But his words implied otherwise.

"Go dry yourself, but stay in the bathroom. I'll be out in a minute." Jade is already taking the soap back and starting to scrub quickly at his arms and hands. He had washed earlier; this is just for extra cleanliness.

"Yes." He climbs out of the bathtub and reaches for the nearest towel, rubbing the soft fabric over his body without much pressure. The electrifying pain when he pokes the bruises may be great, but ripping the scratches open accidentally would just make him dirty again. When he's finished, he neatly hangs the towel up to dry and returns to the bathtub, mostly because he isn't sure where he's supposed to wait.

And he stands still, no fiddling with the chain or shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The latter would be nice as his legs are worn out from when they'd been pushed back too far. He fights the urge to sit down successfully. Jade will tell him if that's what he's supposed to do. Maybe it is, but he'd rather not guess and be wrong.

Shinjirou is doing much better than he had this morning. Jade rewards him by finishing up quickly, turning the tap off and climbing out of the bath after a scant minute or two. He wraps a clean towel around himself, then motions for Shinjirou to come closer.

"Now that you're here, I may as well show you where I keep the first aid supplies." He opens the cupboard under the sink, gesturing to a neat, well-kept box. A few years before, he'd have much more supplies on hand, but the need for that had passed. He closes the cupboard again. "And I have the creams here." A drawer is pulled open. "They should all be clearly labelled, so you shouldn't have any problem finding the correct one to use. Medicine I keep in the kitchen; you've probably already seen it. Ask me before you use any of it."

After he picks out the right tube, Jade closes the drawer again, pushing himself to his feet. "This will help with the pain and speed up the healing process." But he pauses. Shinjirou had looked happy while he was drying himself, even though he must have been aggravating his wounds. And earlier, he had seemed entranced by the bruising that coloured his skin. "Unless you'd rather let them heal on their own?"

Touches are soothing, but knowing where to patch himself up should it be necessary is taking a weight off his shoulders he hadn't known he'd been carrying until that moment. He kneels beside Jade, trying to memorize what he's being told.

"I, uh, normally take breaks, but ... I dunno." He glances at the tube, then back at Jade. The guest had treated him like it didn't matter if it ended in broken bones; Jade on the other hand seems like he's more careful even when he's inflicting pain. More precise. Though how often is he going to have to deal with guests and how often just with Jade? It's not like there's a calendar available to him. He drops his gaze to the floor even as he follows Jade in getting up again. "I mean I don't know when you're going to, when that's going to happen again. So if it's soon, then uhm."

His gestures are far from graceful. The flailing stops when he hugs himself, rubbing his upper arms. He nods at the tube in Jade's hand and clears his throat. "I'd rather have that."

As he watches Shinjirou stutter and shift about, the foremost thought that comes to mind is that he really has to teach Shinjirou better control. Right now, he's too easily flustered, too expressive. It lends a genuineness to his responses, yes, but someday soon he'll to assume other guises. Not everyone will enjoy his current attitude.

The second thought is that such a simple question shouldn't have required so much deliberation. Not to mention the way he had phrased his response...

Jade's eyes narrow thoughtfully. "And if it's not soon?"

Shinjirou can feel his heart beat in his throat, certain his veins are pulsating visibly. He swallows around the lump constricting his speech and breath, looking up at Jade who must know the answer to that question already. Dropping his hands to his sides, his fingertips brush blindly over the fresh bruises.

"If it's not. Soon." Goosebumps appear on his body, spreading fast. "Then I want to keep them."

Smiling to himself, Jade bends to put the cream away again. The first step in acclimatizing Shinjirou to his new life would be to get him to admit to and accept his desires. They're making good progress on that front. Better than he had expected, really; it's a good thing that Shinjirou is naturally prone to extreme acts. Purchasing him was a good choice.

"If you insist. I'll get you something for your throat, though." He'll be using it plenty in the coming days. "Go back to our room and wait for me."

Not too soon then. Shinjirou isn't sure what to make of Jade's smile. Maybe he's being mocked. Maybe Jade finds it useful in some way. He'd rather have the latter be the case, but he also thinks he deserves mockery for openly admitting to his fondness of pain to the point that he wants his wounds to stay for a while.

That's sick.

"Yes." He bows quickly, then cringes over doing it, and leaves for the bedroom. For his throat it will be soon? Standing next to his bed, he reaches up and cups his neck. Jade had driven deep into him. He traces the line of thrusts as he remembers it. Will he get to swallow Jade's come next time? He inhales sharply; if he behaves, then perhaps ...

At least pondering all this makes him stand perfectly still.

Edited (missing word) 2014-10-04 11:53 (UTC)

A few minutes later, Jade enters the room, carefully balancing a cup of tea in his hands. He notices Shinjirou caressing his neck - right at the point where he had made it bulge, that can't be a coindidence - but he doesn't remark on it.

"Sit down," he nods at the futon. "From now on, I want you to relax when you're on your own bed."

As fun as it might be to have Shinjirou constantly on edge, he can't go too overboard, not without putting his mental health at risk. Shinjirou needs a safe space, one where he can relax and unwind without fear.

In practice, it probably won't work out that smoothly; he does need to have full control over Shinjirou at all times, after all, and he can't allow him to wriggle out of orders just by hiding in his bed. But he can do his best to minimize discomfort.

"Oh. Okay?" Which hopefully means it's alright when he wraps the blanket around himself as soon as he's down on the ground, making sure that his body is entirely on the futon and not sticking out anywhere. It's not a room behind a closed door, but it's his bed ... apparently Jade's willing to let him have at least one thing. And a bed is not a bad choice.

"So this is like salt against a demon?" Taking the pillow and hugging it to his chest, he crosses his legs. "Not that I'm calling you a demon. Or that guy. Uh."

Expectantly, he looks up. Tea would be great. "For me?" He holds out his hands, blanket dropping down to his hips with a quiet rustle. As long as everything below his waist is covered, he stills feels like there's a layer of protection between him and his new reality.

"Indeed." He hands the tea over. Thin wisps of smoke curl away from the surface. "Careful, it's rather hot."

The first question goes unanswered, at least until Jade settles down on his own bed, sitting cross-legged on top of the blankets. "I suppose you could view it in that manner." He considers saying more, but he's never been fond of explanations. "I'll trust you not to abuse it."

In their situation, a safe space is a privilege, one that Jade will rescind if necessary. From what he's seen of Shinjirou so far, though, it probably won't come to that.

Blowing off the steam, cup resting on top of the pillow in his lap, exhaustion creeps up on him. He rubs at his eye, trying not to yawn. After he's finished the tea, he'll surely be allowed to sleep. On his bed.

"I won't. You know, homeless guys appreciate beds." He smiles awkwardly, then sips on the tea. It's still too hot to do more than that, but the warm liquid running down his sore throat is so wonderful, he'd like to gulp it all down.

"Thanks."

He smiles in return. "There's nothing urgent to do tomorrow, so you can sleep in. Give me the teacup when you're done, then you can go to bed."

While he's waiting, he retrieves a notepad and a pen from the bedside table and begins writing, careful to keep the text out of Shinjirou's sight.

"Yes."

Tired as he is, he simply finds comfort in knowing that Jade has better things to do than pay close attention to him. He drinks his tea in peace and silently puts the cup on the nightstand beside Jade's bed when he's finished, trying not to disturb him, and then crawls back under the sheets.

Facing the wall, he curls up on his side and closes his eyes. Sleep, finally, overwhelms him.

The next morning, Jade is gone. On the nightstand is a note:

Something unexpectedly came up. I should be back at around 15:30. In the meantime, please fix yourself a meal and get started on your chores for the day.

There is a list under the message, almost identical to the chores he had given him the previous day.

Nothing about the house had changed. The closet is unlocked, the clothes within easy reach. The main door and back door can both are both unlockable from the inside. All in all, it's the perfect escape opportunity.

Of course it is. It's meant to be a test.

Jade more or less encouraged him to sleep in and he does just that. It's past ten when he slowly blinks his eyes open. The pain in his legs is intense and everything from his waist down feels swollen. He parts his thighs, rolls onto his back -- but that is painful as well. His own words echo in his mind.

For nearly an hour, he lies there and stares at the ceiling. The flashbacks squeeze the air out of his lungs. He doesn't notice that Jade isn't there the entire time. Only when he's calmed down enough to sit up and look around, and listen, does it become obvious. He gets up, legs wobbly as he makes his way over to read the note.

He's alone.

His breath hitches and he wipes at his face. He could get out of this. Pretend it never happened. Run away and ... and then? Have even more nightmares, be even more unable to look Aki in the eye. The note crumples up in his fist as he stands there, eyes closed, frozen to the ground.

A few moments later he drops the piece of paper and leaves the bedroom. He makes late breakfast for himself, fulfills every duty with great care and doesn't even try the locks. Stay busy, concentrate on the task at hand, whatever it is; don't think.