roneal | (no subject)

Curled up on his side, both hands stroking his belly, he is very much awake. Just exhausted as hell. He glances up at Jade, eyes narrowing. Shinjirou hasn't once looked at the clock and it doesn't matter how long he's been left alone, exactly.

He nods, then shoves his face into the back rest. This isn't normal. Rough sex, sleep, sneaking away and nurturing the bruises, that's normal. Not this, whatever it is, this strange awareness of his body and mind's needs.

He allows Shinjirou a few seconds of peace, then he settles onto the couch as well. The warmed leather depresses under his weight, the indent curving and spreading as Jade shifts around, until he's leaning over Shinjirou. One hand comes to rest gently against Shinjirou's belly, but that's all; he doesn't stroke it yet.

"I'm disappointed in you," he murmurs. He had originally planned on using a more gentle approach, but he doesn't want to encourage Shinjirou's recalcitrance.

His reply is very quiet. "I know." Why is Jade still touching him, he wonders. He doesn't deserve this. Eyes stinging, he raises one hand and covers his face with it. This is awful. Jade's words cut too deep and suck the warm feeling of his afterglow right out of him, leaving him cold and ... ashamed.

There's no good reason for this. Kidnapped and then sold against his will. What Jade thinks of him shouldn't affect him at all. But his approval is so good, so soothing and he wants to learn how to get it constantly. It's ridiculous. And then he's laughing again. "I'm sorry."

Laughter? Why? Jade frowns, but quickly smooths his expression back into one of utter calm. His free hand goes cup against Shinjirou's jawline, thumb brushing against his cheek. He can feel his come there, a long, dried stripe across that stretched across the soft skin.

"Look at me," he commands. He hadn't known how to approach this at first, if he should try to be coaxing and gentle. In the end, he had decided to settle with what he knows best: brutal honesty. "What have you done wrong?"

His laughter stops abruptly when Jade touches him.

Shinjirou is aware he shouldn't hesitate, yet he does. Slowly he pulls his hand down and raises his eyes up to Jade's. He can't read his face at all. It's admirable, how guarded Jade's expression is almost all the time. If only he could say the same about himself, but he's pretty sure he's flushed and his eyes are reddened. Embarrassing.

Swallowing hard, he tries to put all his mistakes into a coherent string of words. "I didn't behave properly. I spoke when you had told me not to. I made demands. I should have been quiet and attentive and I wasn't." There's a giggle bubbling in his sore throat. He bites his tongue. It's not funny, he doesn't know why he can't stop laughing and he's absolutely certain it's against Jade's unspoken rules.

It's something about brain chemistry, Jade decides, when he feels Shinjirou trying to swallow down even more laughter. Sex triggers the release of various hormones, after all, and he had forced Shinjirou into a rather intense scene with no warning whatsoever. Of course, he'll look into it, but that can come later. Right now he's more concerned with correcting Shinjirou.

"That's all true." He is stern, unforgiving, even though he knows Shinjirou must be emotionally exhausted. All the better to discipline him now, when he's at his most malleable. "But that's not your most grievous mistake."

He doesn't think Shinjirou would be able to guess correctly, so he spares him the humiliation of trying and failing. "You lied at the beginning, didn't you? You tried to pretend you were something you weren't. But you failed to carry that deception through to the end." He runs his hand along Shinjirou's belly, palming firmly at it. "You'll have to do better than that."

He doesn't understand, brows furrowing. He's made even more mistakes than that? Didn't even get the worst one? Squirming out of discomfort -- he's trying to remember everything, from the moment the guest arrived to the moment he left -- he turns to lie on his back. Jade doesn't like it when he's hiding himself, maybe that's it.

But no, it isn't. His eyes widen. It's not what he expected, at all. "I ... should have been more convincing? I can do that, I can learn, I will practice pretending." The words tumble out, voice so scratchy it shouldn't be a surprise that his babbling leads to a small coughing fit.

He waits for the coughing to subside, making a note to make some tea with honey for him later.

"I'm glad to hear it." It's for Shinjirou's own sake as well, but Jade doesn't feel the need to mention how one of the ways he keeps himself in check is by imitating better people, pretending he's one of them. It's far too personal.

Since Shinjirou doesn't seem to have any problems with accepting what he's saying, Jade leaves the lecture at that.

"Now then," he stands up again, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Do you want to get cleaned up? I have a bath ready for you."

"Yes?"

A bath sounds too good to be true. He sits up, carefully pushing himself up. Moving stings and he can feel the come inside of him follow the pull of gravity. He'll make a mess if he doesn't get up quickly. When he tries, he wobbles at first, using the couch for support. He'd like to hold onto Jade; he doesn't want to be left alone again. Even if it's for punishment.

But hot water is already more than he deserves and he's just said it himself: Making demands is a mistake. He mustn't repeat mistakes, not so soon after admitting to it. So he staggers over to the bathroom by himself. "Where will you be?" He looks over his shoulder, still hopeful.

Shinjirou's desires are blindingly obvious. Jade isn't sure how to feel about his attachment to him, but...it's interesting, he supposes. Useful. Shinjirou had clearly not yet returned to his usual state of mind, so he may as well stay with him, to see how long it takes for him to revert (if he will).

That, and positive reinforcement is important. On the whole, Shinjirou had performed well tonight, and he's already trying to make up for his previous mistakes. Jade can appreciate that.

"I believe I'll be joining you." He begins to stride forward, his steps languid. "Go ahead without me, though. I'd hate for you to drip all over the floor." And he looks terribly unsteady on his feet.

"Oh." This might be a trick he's as of yet unable to see through. The bathtub is undeniably waiting for him, though, hot steam greeting him when he enters the bathroom. He sighs, eyes closed, sinking into water. It doesn't quite work, trying to submerge his body fully; his knees stick out.

He dives underwater for a moment, holding his breath. When he comes back up, he combs through his wet hair, glancing at the door. He's waiting, not moving an inch. The desire to be with someone after sex is the exact opposite of what he's used to. On the other hand, it may be for the best. A desire to run may be more dangerous than anything else.

After a minute, Jade steps into the bathroom with a change of clothes in hand, which he places on the counter.

"It'll be a little cramped with both of us in there." He starts undoing the buttons on his shirt, not at all self-conscious. "I hope you won't mind."

The shirt is shrugged off and placed onto the counter as well, along with his undershirt. For someone who likes to appear as a simple businessman, a surprising number of scars lace Jade's torso. In particular, there's one that stretches from his right shoulder to his chest. The first time Shinjirou had seen it, he had already been completely drunk, and Jade had counted on him to forget. But now that they're living together, Jade sees little reason to hide it.

Not that he gives Shinjirou much time to look; he bends down to remove his pants almost immediately. Once they're placed on the counter, he steps into the bathtub, sinking down to sit behind Shinjirou.

"No, I won't." Shinjirou makes no attempt to hide that he's staring -- ogling -- as Jade undresses. He's handsome and Shinjirou hasn't gotten a chance to explore his body at all, not even allowed to see it, much less touch.

Frowning at the sight of the scar, he shifts to make room for Jade. He leans back uncertainly, reaching for a bar of soap. He's supposed to clean himself, not ask any questions which he, admittedly, is doing far too often. There are so many unanswered ones and they're piling up by the minute.

The fresh bruises make him flinch when he rubs the soap into his skin. The scratches are worse. And then the disgusting feeling when the guest's come leaks out of him into the water, in a steady stream. He closes his legs, so that at least Jade won't have to see.

They can afford to be a little wasteful; bathing in dirty water is counterproductive anyway. "Pull the plug and turn on the water again," Jade says. "And give me the soap."

He doesn't think he'll do this often, but just for tonight, he can treat Shinjirou. Some of those scratches look rather nasty. Shinjirou's probably had worse, but better safe than sorry. Jade is under no delusions. It's because of him that Shinjirou was marked up in that manner - it's his responsibility to tend to him, make sure he's alright.

"Uh, okay. I mean, yes." He hands Jade the soap before leaning forward to pull the plug and turn the water back on, hot enough to send more steam into the air. None of this takes very long and he quickly returns, pressing himself up against Jade's body.

With the soap no longer in his possession, he guesses it's extra pointless to be shy about the mess between his legs. He spreads them, wrinkling his nose at the sticky come on top of too many dark bruises. "I look blotchy."

"You do." He runs the soap along Shinjirou's thighs with careful, precise motions, applying just enough pressure to soothe. The dried come sloughs away easily and dissolves into the surrounding water. It's a little disgusting, but Jade ignores it, as well as the steady trickle that continues to escape from Shinjirou. There's not too much of it, and he's dealt with worse before.

"I'll help you apply some cream to it later, but you'll have to do it on your own next time." Thighs done, he moves onto Shinjirou's chest, all but draping over his shoulder in order to see what he's doing. "It's a good thing this isn't a bad look for you. There are plenty of people who'll enjoy it." And even more who won't care at all, as long as they have a warm body stretched out for their use.

Shinjirou is grateful, for mostly everything: that Jade hasn't abandoned him, that he's gentle with him, that he's taking away the dirt the guest left on him. The wounds will stay for a few days at least, those can't be washed away, but the rest disappears slowly as Jade's hand travels over his body and he sighs and hums happily.

"Yes," he says and leans back, trying to at least not be complicated to clean. Cream sounds wonderful. Everything stings and ... he wouldn't mind, if the when and how he has sex were still under his control. He figures he'll have to take better care of his body from now on. Especially if more of Jade's guests are like this one.

He wants to know, badly, if that is the case. On the other hand, he doesn't want to jinx it. He's made mistakes and that Jade's this nice to him anyway? Not something he should expect to be granted again. Quietly, he agrees: "I'm glad it won't be a problem."

It's...strangely relaxing, bathing with someone like this. Jade can't say he's ever done anything similar before. Shinjirou's hums are quiet in the air, and Jade can feel the way his voice vibrates when he starts to wash his neck, his touches lingering for longer than strictly necessary.

"I don't think I'll be renting you out for a few days anyway." He's always been good at setting aside irrelevant thoughts, and this situation is no exception. He is brisk; businesslike. "Unless you want me to find someone for you? Be honest."

The correct answer would, of course, be that he'll like whichever option Jade decides to pick for him. But in this case, Jade is genuinely curious about his preferences, even if he has to wonder if there's any point in asking him while he's still in such a needy state.

Shinjirou needs no prompt to tilt his head and bare his throat. His body follows Jade's movements blindly, instinctively, giving him both the access and the room he needs. Eyes not quite closed, he sighs again, wondering if he'd be allowed to reach out and touch Jade, too. He doesn't try anything, but considering how he presses back into Jade's chest, it must be painfully obvious he's ... well, trying to cuddle, as embarrassing as it is.

Be honest, that's an order. Isn't it? "No. If you need me to spread my legs again, I will do it, but I -- I think maybe I should learn to be better first?" He's trying his best to make himself sound willing for whatever Jade decides in the end. He fears the uncertainty in his voice will give him away: if he has to endure this kind of thing again too soon, he's afraid he'll freak out, that his body isn't going to be able to take it after all.

"I don't know anything about this." He lowers his head, hugging himself. "I don't know any rules or, or customs and stuff. It's pretty obvious, right? And that sucks for you, I guess."

He takes advantage of the way Shinjirou is hugging himself to put a little distance between them, beginning to wash his back. Despite the hot water that surrounds them, it's colder without Shinjirou spooned up against his chest, and Jade can feel goosebumps forming at the back of his neck.

"Alright," he says neutrally, not bothering to contradict Shinjirou's assessment of himself. He had already praised him once, earlier that night. If Shinjirou doesn't remember it, or wants to do even better, he's not about to dissuade him.

With Shinjirou's back done, Jade finally turns his attention to his hips, where the worst of the scratches are present. He takes extra care as he soaps up the area, working slowly, and leaving himself open for Shinjirou to slump back against.

"Did you enjoy yourself tonight?" He asks suddenly, not missing a beat in his work.

While Jade takes care of his back, he nearly falls asleep. It's incredibly soothing. He pinches himself to stay awake and as soon as Jade's done, he snuggles up to him again. It's so much warmer, so much better with a firm chest to lean onto, able to feel Jade's heartbeat. He forgets himself and his situation for a moment, pressing a kiss to Jade's jaw.

Shoulders hunched, Shinjirou glances up at him. It'd be easier to admit if they'd just be talking about sex. But what he enjoyed was being used for sex. He squirms, despite Jade's caution. The scratches haven't started to close up yet and the soap burns worse for it. "... yes, I did. It felt -- really good." He can't imagine the other slaves at the market being into any of what had happened to him. He was kicking the kidnappers when they tried to examine him; they just started crying for their mommy.

At the moment he can't say he feels like he's better than them. His mind is focused on hold me and he'd like to hit himself for that. His hands curl into fists below the water. He'll loathe himself in a few hours.

When Shinjirou squirms, he goes even slower. He wants to make him feel good, after all, safe and rewarded and appreciated. Judging by the kiss, it had been working, at least up until the moment he had asked his question. Shinjirou feels tense and closed off again, and when he looks down, he sees his hands had formed themselves into fists. So, his tension wasn't due to arousal.

Jade lays a quelling hand on the left fist, wrapping his fingers lazily around it and squeezing. What had caused the tension? He doesn't think Shinjirou is lying, so what is he anxious over?

Nothing to do but try coax it out of him. It could be important.

"Which part? I want to hear you describe it." A note of command had entered his voice again.

He tries to convey don't make me say that with his eyes alone, pressing his lips together. Jade is kind to him, except for asking this question, though. Opening his hand, he interlaces his fingers with Jade's. He needs to hold on to something. Steady his body and mind before he exposes a part of himself he's not sure how to deal with yet.

"I wasn't important, I didn't have to think about anything. You didn't care, both of you didn't, you didn't treat me like a lover or a one-night stand, I could -- just relax and listen and follow your orders." His throat feels tight and he doesn't speak for a moment, lowering his eyes and breathing too harshly. "And it fucking hurt, but that was good too. I need to be told and I need to be hurt."

He knows all that. Maybe he's known it for a long time even. Stating it plainly, it's not just a vague idea anymore. That's what he is. "Fuck." He exhales slowly, voice shaking. "Fuck."

Jade may not understand why people derive comfort from physical reassurance, but he knows that they do, and that's enough. He curls his fingers more tightly around Shinjirou's in a wordless show of support, giving him another light squeeze.

Not that he sees why Shinjirou needs the support. He's not saying anything that deserves condemnation.

"You seem to exhibit some characteristics of a submissive," he observes. He's not involved with the community, and it's not the sort of lifestyle he has an interest in (although he supposes he's practicing it now, in a twisted sort of way), but he's heard about it from some of his associates. "It's- "

Normal, he almost says, but his goal here isn't to reassure Shinjirou. It's to tie him closer.

Smoothly, Jade continues, almost as if he hadn't interrupted himself. "It's very much a deviant lifestyle, I'm afraid." Which isn't exactly a lie. "But for our purposes, it might be an advantage. Thank you for telling me."

He's doing the logical thing here; why does he feel guilty?

It all sounds very technical, the way Jade puts it. Maybe that should make him feel better about it, but all it does is make him shiver. There's still more hot water running into the tub and he's feeling cold.

"Submissive." The word leaves an odd taste in his mouth. He's contrary, too often. No is a lot easier to say than yes, for him. But ... the thrill, the sick arousal in his gut when he let go and, yeah, submitted to the two men, let Jade's guest decide whether he was tight or loose. He flushes, looking up at Jade, tightening the grip on his hand. "You're going to use that against me, aren't you."

He turns his upper body around to face him properly. "I don't care. Do it. Shit, I'm going to get off on it, probably." Careful here, he thinks, or he'll suffer another fit of laughter. When it still really isn't fucking funny. "Anything else you wanna know about sex and me? Maybe there's more advantages for you."